A while back I wrote a post What if… where I shared about my struggles navigating the world as a nonbinary person.

Am I Nonbinary?

I’ve been hung up for a while not knowing if or where I fit on the binary. I know I’m not a girl. I have no doubt that I am a guy at my core. But I don’t want to be constricted to society’s view of what it means to be a man. I thought this meant that I had to be nonbinary.

Over the last few months, my views of what it means to “be a man” have shifted. Connecting with trans and cis guys both online and in real life, whose interests and personalities are more in line with my own, has helped me to accept that masculinity has many forms.

So here I am once again asking myself – what if tomorrow I woke up as a boy…

What if tomorrow I woke up as a boy

The Truth of the Matter

The truth is, I am a boy. I’ve always been a boy. I’m not the one who’s been confused all these years. The day I was born and the doctor announced “it’s a girl” is where the confusion started.

Being assigned female at birth (afab), I’ve spent 4 decades of my life trying to live out an expected narrative.

I may know what it's like to "act" like a girl, but I don't understand what it's like to "fee' like a girl.

It’s Time For Testosterone

So now that I’ve admitted to myself that I am 100% a dude, it’s time to share that I’ve come to the conclusion that going on testosterone is imperative to my mental health and to living as my most authentic self. I wanted to be content with who I am. I didn’t want to conform to society’s expectations of what I should look like & sound like. Add in the fear of change and unknown outcomes and even I was convinced that I didn’t want to go on testosterone.

So to answer my own question, “what if tomorrow I woke up as a boy?”

I’d be me. And hopefully soon my outsides will finally line up with my insides 😊

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7 thoughts on “What if…the sequel

  1. I so enjoy your writing, my friend. And your story is as touching as it is compelling. The “What if I woke up as a boy?” question is powerful. Thank you for sharing your story. I look forward to following you on your journey.”

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