I No Longer Have a Home
A few months ago I wrote a post titled “When you know you can’t go home”. Sitting here on a lumpy bed in a cheap hotel room, I read those words again tonight. I was hit with the hard reality that I no longer have a home. This may be the loneliest and most empty I’ve ever felt.
I love a great adventure, full of unknowns and possibilities. So, last month, we packed up all of our belongings. With the majority of it in storage, the rest in the trunk of our car, we took off to experience life on the road. I know this isn’t normal, but I need to find home and I don’t know how else to do it.
I’m afraid that I may be looking for something that doesn’t exist, at least not for this idealist. Or maybe I’ll find it in a place that I cannot move to. Perhaps I found it long ago but chose to leave it.
I’ve felt glimpses of home at different times. In certain places, I sensed home. But it’s almost as if they were simply an illusion. Always too good to be true. Just beyond my reach.
After being on the road for almost 3 weeks, I’ve been confronted with the need to be home. I long to be surrounded by the things that bring me comfort. But, like I said, home doesn’t exist for me right now.
I had a plan to travel until mid August. Now, I just want to curl up in my room which no longer remains and seek refuge. I’m at an impasse. Do I push myself to continue with a somewhat altered plan of travel or do I set up home again in a place that doesn’t feel right? Where do you go when you no longer have a home?