A Series on Sexual Abuse and how it shaped my path to self acceptance.
Trigger Warning – this post and the pages that it links to contains information about sexual assault and child sexual abuse which may be triggering to some survivors.
I’m not sure I’m ready to put this part of my story into the blogosphere but I always said that I would use my past to help others in any way that I could, so here goes…
I was 4 years old. I had no concept of what 4 years old was until I was 25 years old. You see, at 25 I had this incredible mini me version with big innocent blue eyes and a trust as pure as their 4 year old self should have. And it took me back. And it made me confront my childhood.
For over twenty years I had blamed myself. I didn’t understand what it meant to be only 4 years old until I had my own child who was that small and inculpable.
The details of my story aren’t what matter today. Over the next while I will share about the five years that I was molested. How it has shaped me. Made me who I am. The affects I believe that it has had on the misunderstanding and personal denial of my sexuality and gender identity. But for today, this is as much as I want to say. For today, I just want others to know that they are not alone.
Over the past 15 years, I’ve shared my story, the details, the emotions, the ramifications that it’s had in my life, with numerous people one on one. But to publicly say that I am a sexual abuse survivor takes me to a whole new level of vulnerability.
I’ve always known that I would use my past to help others. On some of my darkest days that’s what’s kept me holding on rather than succumbing to the voices in my head that pleaded for peace. Now that I have the platform, it’s time to use it. It’s time to share my story.