There is so much pain, anger, jealousy, bitterness in our world. Some days my tender heart can’t take it. I see myself curled in the fetal position in a lonely corner of my mind. Balled up there, aching, feeling all the hurt of those around me. People I know, but also multitudes I’ll never meet. Yet I feel their pain. It makes me cry. I’m the biggest baby you’ll ever meet. Most days I hate this about myself but I’m learning to accept it nonetheless. I guess everything I’m feeling today is the blessed curse of being an empath. I don’t often claim this. I never feel quite worthy of titles. But the ache in my soul makes it true whether I accept it or not. I am an empath and the anguish of others is bombarding me this week.
Being in a different country seems to heighten this sensation for me. I think there’s more unrealized trauma here. Centuries of hatred. Deep rooted ideals. Pride so fierce that it’s blinding.
When I walk down the street or through stores, when I’m sitting in restaurants, I can hear people’s heartache, feel their torment.
I need some solace. I need to anchor myself to some love. My loves.
I need to spend my days loving. It’s how I’m wired. It’s who I am. In a world so corrupt, so overwhelmed with hate and greed and lies I have to believe that love exists, that it can and will make a difference. I don’t do well when I start to feel infested with anger or bitterness. I’ve come to understand the importance of allowing myself to feel the negative but I can not give it a room to unpack in. It has to flow through and I must fill all my spaces with love. This is how I survive. Love is my anchor and the only thing I will allow to take up home in my soul.