Today’s post is a guest post. One that I can relate to in some ways and in other ways not at all. I am not yet ready to share my own experiences with suicide. I commend Madison for her bravery and willingness to publish her story for others.
So. Today I am three years clean. I can honestly say there was a time in my life I never thought I’d live to see the day. I don’t normally see people posting more about their recovery milestones past a year, & I think we should. Because it doesn’t go away, it never goes away. At least not for me.
When I was just 12 years old I started to self harm. Anytime I’ve told people how young I started to struggle with these kinds of things, they’re always confused as to why & what a 12 year old had to deal with that was so bad. My parents were together, I had friends, I did well in school. & that’s it because let’s face it; I was 12.
But depression doesn’t see age. Depression just looks for another body to consume. That’s what happened, I had become depressed for not one reason. It progressively got worse in the next two years, & in those few years I had attempted to take my own life several times. I had developed a few eating disorders & had massive anxiety.
Today I still have depression, because it doesn’t leave. & I don’t expect it to. I still have bad days where I don’t want to exist, where I want to quite literally jump off a bridge. But they are much fewer days & not so heavy. It’s still hard to eat sometimes, but I manage to do it with the support of my family. I definitely still struggle with anxiety, but I have much fewer attacks & have learned how to handle it better.
I would of never thought to make this post & share my darkest secrets on the internet for everyone, including my family & people I grew up with to see. But recently, someone whom I am very close with attempted suicide. I had never felt more heartbroken. I can’t imagine how my life would be if they had been successful. & then I knew I had to put something out there, saying that it does get better.
Because when I was 14 & in the hospital, praying to die, I never thought it would get better. But now I’m 18 & I’ve never been happier.
I’m planning my wedding for this year & my fiancé & I have started our own little family (only with fur babies for now). It does get better. Trust me.
If anyone ever needs anyone to talk to, I’m always here. I can be your safe place. Stay strong. These are some resources I hope will help someone.
National suicide prevention lifeline – 1-800-273-8255
Kids help phone – 1-800-668-6868
If you don’t want to talk on the phone, you can text 741741 & text with a crisis counselor.
The app Calm harm is free to download, available for iOS & android. It helps to distract you from urges to self harm.
Depression doesn’t care about age or gender. It doesn’t see race or class. Suicide can and does affect everyone. Mental health needs more awareness. Let’s destroy the stigmas and discriminations surrounding mental health issues and start talking about them. Thank you Madison for telling us your story 💜