I’ve gotten over wishing I was normal. But some days I think if only I wanted to medically transition so the world could see me as male, life would be simpler.
I’ve come a long way with my own self acceptance but I’m still unsure how to respond to people’s questions. Society is so wrapped up in gendering everything. Thinking beyond the binary is almost too confusing.
Do we call you she or him? Does your partner call you their boyfriend or their girlfriend? My kids still call me Mom or Mama. This brings about strange looks and second or third glances in public.
The thing is, I don’t even know the answers to these questions myself so how do I tell others. And how are my kids and my partner supposed to respond to these questions?
I’ve been trying out a new name for the last couple months but I don’t love it. Does that really matter? How many people actually like their name? I’ve looked for different non binary names for boyfriend/girlfriend but nothing sounds fitting. I’ve attempted to find a different label for my kids to use with me but nothing resonates.
As of right now, I say that I’m pronoun indifferent, but that can’t be quite right. There is this light inside of me that dims when I’m referred to as she/her. But when someone “mistakenly” assigns a male label such as sir, or calls me he, that light glows warm and bright. I say that labels don’t fit and names feel foreign but in truth I haven’t reached the point of acceptance that those pronouns are mine. I still feel like an imposter, like a kid trying to dress up and pass as his dad. It’s okay to call me boy but I’m certainly not a man.
Being true to myself has been my most difficult journey. Self acceptance is by far my biggest roadblock. As I continue to wind myself through this path of uncertainty, I’d love to hear from others about their journey. And if you have any gender neutral labels to replace Mom/Dad, boyfriend/girlfriend, wife/husband, help a dude out and leave them in the comments below 🙂