Over the past few months I’ve been seeing a gender therapist, sifting through my gender identity issues. Pushing myself hard to figure out pronouns and labels. Facing tough decisions regarding surgeries and hormone therapy. A constant roller coaster of highs and lows. Just when I think I’ve reached a decision, I read some more information or watch another video and I change my mind.
I’ve gone from wishing I could relate 100% with other ftm people to accepting that although I identify as transmasculine, I’m floating around somewhere in the atmosphere of the spectrum rather than on some imaginary line still under the suffocating constraints of the binary. Understanding and accepting this about myself has been incredibly liberating. Gender is becoming less of an issue, not so confining.
As far as where I’m at today, indifferent to pronouns, names & labels. Non binary, genderfluid, gender non conforming and transmasculine all feel relatable and fitting.
As for next week, who knows what I’ll have learnt and where I’ll be at. Always growing, ever evolving 😊