Earlier this summer, I was at the park with the littles and this kid comes up to me and says “I don’t know if you’re a boy or a girl but you sure do have cool hair!” That was a turning point for me in coming to understand my gender identity.
I realized at that moment that I also didn’t exactly know if I was a boy or a girl but I did want to have cool hair! Before that day I had spent a couple of months soul searching and trying to determine if I was possibly a trans guy. I definitely knew that I leaned more towards the masculine side of the gender spectrum but I didn’t feel like I was a man exactly. I certainly didn’t belong on the feminine side either. It wasn’t until the child at the park spoke those words to me when I knew that it didn’t matter. Interestingly enough I had never given much thought to being in the middle even though I had a child who is.
This is a really cool diagram that I think is fairly self explanatory. It’s definitely worth taking a good look at.
I am most comfortable presenting more male but I don’t have gender dysphoria in the same ways that other transgender people do. I don’t believe that gender dysphoria is an essential or determining factor in being a trans person. I understand that there is much debate on this subject but this is my space where I am free to share my opinion, so there you go. (This has now changed for me, see my blogpost for further explanation) https://everydayanomalyblog.wordpress.com/2017/09/12/my-complicated-relationship-with-dysphoria/
A lot like Beckett, I leaned heavily towards the masculine end of the spectrum for a bit and have slowly worked my way back towards an area not quite midway but close-ish. I have had to learn what masculine and feminine really means for me in order to determine where on the spectrum I think I might fit. I’m a pretty sensitive person which unfortunately society has led me to believe that this would put me in the feminine category. I like to work with my hands and get dirty which seemed like that was a tick for the masculine side of my chart. I needed to get these boxes and their stereotypical norms out of my head if I was ever going to figure anything out.
Like everything in life, I think that we are always evolving, growing and learning, so I will continue to trust my process of self discovery but right now I’m pretty content with where I am and where I fit even if that means like Beckett that I don’t really fit anywhere. At this point in my life I’m not nearly as affected by not fitting into a box and I hope the more people learn and grow, the more society evolves, the less it will matter for anyone who doesn’t quite fit anywhere.